I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You are a genius and a whore.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
