I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
