as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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