If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
