Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
