The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
