he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Are we still banned from the library?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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