Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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