My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
