the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
