So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
