Why are handjobs necessary in class?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
