Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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