So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
