Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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