She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
please come you make the beer taste better
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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