Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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