I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
