it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to sanitize my soul.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
