I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
