Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
