I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
