The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
