and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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