I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
