thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
