He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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