a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
