I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
