Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize