we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
