Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
