he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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