Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
