there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
