Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
