Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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