we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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