why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
