its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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