My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
