Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
