my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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