yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
