sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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