Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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