Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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