Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
