i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
