i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize