Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize