when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bring me that man meat
Let's get the cat blown out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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