Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
