Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
