when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
