so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
