no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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