she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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