He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
