I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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