I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I could fuck to npr.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
