Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
