1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
