Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
