he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize