remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
