I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
