Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am naked and annoyed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
