i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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