She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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